Know Your Role, Jabroni!

I haven’t done this before, but TPE had such a great response to my picks from last week that I’m going to take someone’s comments and make them the basis of an article.  Seasons greetings TPE!  I hope Santa was good to you.  Enjoy those quiet hours alone.  I do on those rare occasions I get them. 

TPE classified the NFL’s starting QBs into three categories:

A. Jabroni

B. Better Than Nothing

C. The Real

Here are his classifications of each QB (in italics) followed by my take on each player and TPE’s groupings:

Tom Brady: The Real
Absolutely, no comment necessary.

Ryan Tannehill: On his way to The Real

I tend to agree with that.  I don’t think it’s going to be a quick process and that he’s going to have to log quite a few more games and go through quite a few more rough stretches before we see consistent superstar signs. 

Mark Sanchez: Jabroni
You need another group for this guy.  As much as I rag him and as bad as he’s looked, I truly believe Sanchez could be a much better Jabroni with improved coaching and professional talent at receiver.

Ryan Fitzpatrick: Jabroni

Yep

Andy Dalton: Better Than Nothing

I think he’s going to have a similar career to Matt Schaub, which is a compliment given my affinity for the Texans’ passer. 

Ben Rothleisberger: The Real

Despite quite the disappointing season, absolutely yes.

Joe Flacco: Better Than Nothing to reasonable fans. The Real to Jeff Cameron.

It’s looking like this is all that Flacco will ever be.  You never know which guy is going to show up, and you don’t say that about guys who are “Real”. 

Brandon Wheeden: Better Than Nothing
Probably the best application of this term.

Matt Schaub: Better Than Nothing disguised as The Real

Nice classification.  Schaub isn’t going to ever be considered an “e-word” QB, but I’d put him near the top of the next set of passers.  Unlike Flacco, I know what I’m getting with Schaub.

Andrew Luck: The Real

If we’re using “The Real” as the equivalent to the “e-word”, I’d put Luck in the top of the class in which TPE lists Tannehill.  Luck is my offensive ROY. 

Blaine Gabbert: Jabroni

Big pile of Jabroni.

Jake Locker: Jabroni disgused as Better Than Mothing

TPE did a great job with this one.  I confess I was a Locker believer, but I don’t like the progression (or lack there of) that I’ve seen.  He still needs a lot of work.

Peyton Manning: The Real

The E.F. Hutton of the NFL.

Philip Rivers: The Real that became Better than Nothing because he plays with Jabronis

Another solid job.  Rivers is at a bit of a crossroads this offseason, and who the Chargers hire as HC and GM is going to go a long way in determining whether or not we’re ever talking about Rivers as a “Real” QB again.  Next year will be his 10^th as a pro, and he’s thrown 35 of his career 93 INTs in just the last two seasons.  Rivers and the new Chargers staff is going to be one of the key stories to watch this offseason.

Carson Palmer: Better Than Nothing

He’s walking the BTN/Jabroni line like a tightrope. 

Matt Cassell: Ultimate Jabroni

Jabroni with extra pickles. 

Tony Romo: The Real until playoffs…then Jabroni

Seriously, when I read Tony Romo’s name, I automatically shake my head every time.  I loathe the Cowboys, but I like rooting for Romo.  To me he’s top notch Better Than Nothing who epitomizes the old adage of a QB getting too much credit for the good and too much blame for the bad.  I’d take him as the Bucs’ QB in a heartbeat if given the chance. 

RG3: The Real

He’s standing in the same line as Andrew Luck but sharing a spot behind him with two other guys (more later).

Eli Manning: The Real

But damn has he looked like a Jabroni at times this year.  He’s the Bobby Bacala to Peyton’s Tony Soprano. 

Michael Vick: Jabroni, who has herpes

Winner!

Aaron Rodgers: The Realest

My favorite football player by far.

Jay Cutler: Jeffbroni George

Ouch!  TPE is not a Cutler fan.  Cutler is a solid “Better Than Nothing” to me.  He’s not going to win any popularity contests (I kind of like that), but he’s still a QB I trust with talent around him. 

Christian Ponder: Sadly, Jabroni

Definitely, sadly.

Matt Stafford: made The Real by Calvin Johnson

I’m not as high on Senor Stafford.  He throws for a ton of yards, but so would a lot of QBs if they had the game’s best receiver to throw to.  He’s a “Better Than Nothing” behind Schaub, Romo, and Cutler at a minimum.  Yes, Cutler too.  Put Stafford on those Bears teams from the past few years, and those yardage and TDs totals are nowhere near what he’s done as a Lion. 

Drew Brees: The Real

Yep

Matt Ryan: The Real

Ryan stepped up to the big boy table this year in Dirk Koetter’s offense.  I put him with Eli on the outskirts of the group that consists of Rodgers, Brady, Peyton, Roethlisberger, and Brees. 

Josh Freeman: Better Than Nothing

And I don’t think he’s ever going to be anything but Better Than Nothing.  Will that be enough to keep him around much longer in Tampa?  A QB has to be a leader and grab his team by the reigns at times and get things done on his own.  Freeman hasn’t graduated to that class yet.  He goes as the team goes rather than having the team go as he goes. 

Cam Newton: Better Than Nothing but inquiring about a move to Jabroniville

He’s certainly looked like he was in need of a one way ticket to Jabroniville at times this year, but he’s shown a few flashes of last year’s promise. 

Sam Bradford: The Real, even I am the only one that thinks so

I definitely don’t share the same opinion about Bradford as does TPE.  He’s “Better Than Nothing” based only on promise in my opinion.  He hasn’t had a ton to work with so far as a pro other than a poor man’s Wes Welker, but he’s not a Jabroni.  I don’t think he’ll ever be the “e-word” but can develop into a solid BTN. 

Russell Wilson: The Real

He’s one of the guys I think is right there with RGIII in line behind Luck as the best of the up-and-comers. 

Alex Smith: Better Than Nothing

I’m not a huge Alex Smith fan, but given the sorry state of starting QBs on a lot of teams, he’ll be starting somewhere next year.  Yes, he’s consistent, but unless I’ve got a top notch run game and defense, he doesn’t do anything for me. 

I put Colin Kapernick, the Niners starter in that Luck-RGIII-Wilson group. 

John Skelton: Jabroni

They’re working on a straight Jabroni flush out there with Kolb, Skelton, Lindley, and Hoyer. 

Here’s my top 10:

1) Aaron Rodgers

2) Peyton Manning

3) Tom Brady

4) Drew Brees

5) Ben Roethlisberger

6) Eli Manning

7) Matt Ryan

8) Matt Schaub

9) Tony Romo

10) Andrew Luck

Thanks for the idea TPE, and Happy New Year to all!